Communication

Communication is something so important to leadership, and life in general, yet everyone goes about it in a different way. If I was to write an article about how to communicate with those you lead (and those around you in general), it would not be an absolute method, rather guidelines to follow to make sure you are listening/communicating to the best of your ability.

Individual 

1.  Eye contact. Eye contact is important both for the person talking and the person listening. When talking, maintaining eye contact with your audience shows you are confident in what you are saying, as opposed to looking down or off at something in the distance. As a listener, eye contact shows you are fully engaged in what the other person is saying.

2. Body Language. Nothing says "I'm bored" like constantly moving around, or shifting around. It is also important to face the person talking/listening because it shows you are engaged in the conversation.

3. Think before you speak. Before you start a sentence, make sure you know how it is going to end. It will only make your points stronger if you are sure in what you are saying, rather than trailing off into nothingness at the end of your sentence.

4. Thoughtful responses. Responses like "oh" and "okay" can seem demeaning to another person if they just put themselves out there and shared an idea with you, and the only thing you can think of to reply with is "cool," or something of that matter.

5. Don't be on your phone. Trying to talk to someone who is too busy checking Instagram or Twitter or texting back all their friends is annoying in any situation, but especially in a more professional situation like one of leadership.

Group

1. See above. All of these can apply to a group setting as well. Eye contact, body language, and engagement in a conversation are just as important in a group setting as they are in a one-on-one. 

2. There is no right or wrong. When brainstorming ideas, or trying to come up with a game plan, there is no right or wrong way to do things, just different ways. Its important to listen to everyones' different ideas, then hash out the best option afterwards, not just sticking to what you though everyone should do. 

3. Be open. This is kind of like number two, but taking it a little further. Even if you don't agree with the way things pan out in the end, its important to be open and supportive of the decision the group made. 

4. Be humorous. This is not to say you always need to be cracking jokes, but especially if you are leading a big group, I think it is important to remain light and friendly with everyone in the group, and make sure they don't feel intimidated. (Even you you are the leader in the situation..) 

5. Be you. I think overall the most important thing in communication is being yourself. 

In light of that last thought, I think it is important for people to embrace the way that they lead rather than try to mimic someone else, because only then will you be able to reach your full potential -- how can you be the best you by trying to be someone else? 

“Constantly talking isn't necessarily communicating.”

 -Charlie Kaufman 

I Believe

I Believe...

The essay I really found I could relate to on thisibelieve.org has to do with finding joy in the little things in life. It is titled "Fun In Life," and speaks to a woman's experience in finding happiness through doing  little activities with her children, like making an igloo and driving around, singing along to music. It was her daughter who said, "Life is only as fun as you make it." This sentence really resonates with me because that is something I believe down to my core: not everything you do in life is going to be enjoyable or fun, but if you make up your own fun along the way, everything can be enjoyable. 

http://thisibelieve.org/essay/95182/

...In Spontaneity.

My story actually took place yesterday. This weekend the weather was absolutely beautiful, especially for mid-February, and one of my friends who has a car here at school was away for the weekend, and told my roommate and I we could borrow her car if we wanted to. (We did.) We decided Saturday that it would be a perfect opportunity to go to the beach, and invited along our other really good friend, and future roommate along with us. We still had two spots open in the car, and on a whim, invited two girls we were out with on Saturday night, since we always seemed to have so much fun whenever we were hanging out with them. Plans were formed basically the night before, and Sunday we all met outside Swig and started our journey. We went to brunch at a little cafe that we had googled and it turned out to be incredible. Then we went to Natural Bridges beach and hung out on the beach for the afternoon. Both my roommate and I love photography and have DSL cameras, which we had brought with us. We must have taken over 500 pictures, with so many of them being candids. As we went through them once we had gotten back to campus, we were pleasantly surprised at how incredibly happy we all looked. We weren't going anything particularly exciting, other than laying out at the beach, but in every picture, every person was laughing or smiling the most genuine smiles I had seen. When I look at the pictures from yesterday, I realize how it was such spur of the moment trip, and yet at the end of the day, I felt so happy and at peace. Its moments like this that make me realize how important it is to not always rely on plans, but sometimes just make things up as you go, and see where the day takes you. 

I believe in Spontaneity. I believe in taking things one at a time, and going with the flow sometimes. I believe in pure joy and laughter. I believe in opening yourself up to new people, and branching out. I believe all these things together help relieve stress and remind you that no matter how rough things get, a day like the one I had can make you feel like a whole new person. 

"The fun stuff comes when someone is not so strict on sticking to the script. You're allowed the spontaneity, and great moments can happen." 

-Jennifer Anniston

Personal Tensions

The Set-Up

I was involved in cross-country since sixth grade, which was somewhat uncommon, since most middle schools did not offer it as a sport, and most of the team members joined as freshman in high school. It was something I loved, and had been such a big part of me for so long, and I was excited to meet a whole new team in high school. After the first few meets, I was moved up to varsity, which was composed of mostly juniors and seniors.

The What

As I befriended the girls I ran with, they were mostly upperclassman and I really never got the chance to bond with the girls in my own grade who were on the team. I never really was bothered by at during my first and second years on the team. My best friend on the team was two years older than me, and we always ran together. She became like an older sister to me, always giving me advice and telling me about her college applications, her life as a senior, and listening to my boy problems and friend complaints.  

However, she graduated that year, naturally, and my other close friend on the team, a year older than me, chose to continue her soccer career over cross-country, and I realized that all the friends I had made over the first two years were no longer on the team. I really had no friendships with the girls in my own grade, unfortunately, since I always ran with upperclassmen girls, and I realized I was enjoying the practices less and less. On top of that, I began to experience serious pain in both my shins, which I ignored until it became so painful I literally could not walk. (I had fractures in both my shins, which explains that.) After I spent the three months of the season miserable because my two friends were not there and I was struggling to run without pain, I decided I was done with the sport for good. This caused serious conflict within my family, since my dad was a coach, and my mom loved following all the runners and their races. (I used to call her a "time stalker" since she knew everyones times for all the races, even if I wasn't running that race.) 

The So What

I was left with the choice between continuing another season of a sport I no longer seemed to find happiness in it to appease my parents, or to quit, and put up with my parent's disappointment in my choice. They were so confused as to why I wanted to quit, since it was something I had always loved doing, and a sport I had invested so much of my time in. But I really wanted to focus on the other sports I was involved in, and I just wasn't feeling the same joy that I used to get out of the practices and meets. So my internal struggle was between choosing my happiness over that of my parents. Of course, they support me, but it was very clear they wanted me to continue running the next season. 

The Now What

Looking back on the time, I realize that while I was so excited to be running varsity as a freshman, I missed out on making some good friends in my own grade, who would have been my teammates for the next four years. But more so, it made me realize that for me, it isn't what I'm doing, but who I'm doing it with. Running eight, nine, or ten miles a day, everyday, either in hot weather or sometimes pouring rain? No, that does not sound enjoyable at all. But with good friends, it's an adventure, making jokes the whole time, talking, or even singing once or twice while we're running. This is what my parents didn't understand when they questioned my motives for quitting: they thought it was running I was unhappy with, but really I just missed the company I had had the previous years, and to me, that's what made my time on the team so great. This is the mindset with which I look at everything I do in my life-- to me, it is more important to be surrounded by people who make your time enjoyable. 

"Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter."

-Izaak Walton      

"I feel happy of myself!"

"If you keep practicing, you will get the hang of it!" 

 While this video doesn't exactly mention a certain value by name, such a respect or loyalty, it does speak to perseverance, which is important in relation to our values. Sometimes we find ourselves in positions where we've realized that we have compromised the things we value most in our lives, and we feel like we have failed ourselves. This is when it is important to remember that we should be proud of ourselves for the moments we stay true to our values through the rough moments, but if slip, we just need to continue on for we have not failed. I think this is particularly relevant to my life when I feel like I have let myself go against my values, and I feel guilty for doing something that goes against what I believe in. It is in these moments that I need to remember that, like this little boy says, if you keep practicing, you will get the hang of it. That is, if I keep working to always stay true to myself, even if I take a step backwards sometimes, I can always keep going forwards. 

Life is funny. Things change, people change, but you will always be you, so stay true to yourself and never sacrifice who you are for anyone.

 -Zayn Malik