Personal Tensions

The Set-Up

I was involved in cross-country since sixth grade, which was somewhat uncommon, since most middle schools did not offer it as a sport, and most of the team members joined as freshman in high school. It was something I loved, and had been such a big part of me for so long, and I was excited to meet a whole new team in high school. After the first few meets, I was moved up to varsity, which was composed of mostly juniors and seniors.

The What

As I befriended the girls I ran with, they were mostly upperclassman and I really never got the chance to bond with the girls in my own grade who were on the team. I never really was bothered by at during my first and second years on the team. My best friend on the team was two years older than me, and we always ran together. She became like an older sister to me, always giving me advice and telling me about her college applications, her life as a senior, and listening to my boy problems and friend complaints.  

However, she graduated that year, naturally, and my other close friend on the team, a year older than me, chose to continue her soccer career over cross-country, and I realized that all the friends I had made over the first two years were no longer on the team. I really had no friendships with the girls in my own grade, unfortunately, since I always ran with upperclassmen girls, and I realized I was enjoying the practices less and less. On top of that, I began to experience serious pain in both my shins, which I ignored until it became so painful I literally could not walk. (I had fractures in both my shins, which explains that.) After I spent the three months of the season miserable because my two friends were not there and I was struggling to run without pain, I decided I was done with the sport for good. This caused serious conflict within my family, since my dad was a coach, and my mom loved following all the runners and their races. (I used to call her a "time stalker" since she knew everyones times for all the races, even if I wasn't running that race.) 

The So What

I was left with the choice between continuing another season of a sport I no longer seemed to find happiness in it to appease my parents, or to quit, and put up with my parent's disappointment in my choice. They were so confused as to why I wanted to quit, since it was something I had always loved doing, and a sport I had invested so much of my time in. But I really wanted to focus on the other sports I was involved in, and I just wasn't feeling the same joy that I used to get out of the practices and meets. So my internal struggle was between choosing my happiness over that of my parents. Of course, they support me, but it was very clear they wanted me to continue running the next season. 

The Now What

Looking back on the time, I realize that while I was so excited to be running varsity as a freshman, I missed out on making some good friends in my own grade, who would have been my teammates for the next four years. But more so, it made me realize that for me, it isn't what I'm doing, but who I'm doing it with. Running eight, nine, or ten miles a day, everyday, either in hot weather or sometimes pouring rain? No, that does not sound enjoyable at all. But with good friends, it's an adventure, making jokes the whole time, talking, or even singing once or twice while we're running. This is what my parents didn't understand when they questioned my motives for quitting: they thought it was running I was unhappy with, but really I just missed the company I had had the previous years, and to me, that's what made my time on the team so great. This is the mindset with which I look at everything I do in my life-- to me, it is more important to be surrounded by people who make your time enjoyable. 

"Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter."

-Izaak Walton